Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
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Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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