im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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