New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
