i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
