Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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