i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
soo... how was my night?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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