they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
