Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
