Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
only if we run a train.
done.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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