Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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