do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
