I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
