I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
