dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
