i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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