yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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