it hurts more in the daytime
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
