What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Randomize
