I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
