Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
