Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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