I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
