I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
