I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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