He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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