Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
