I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
