I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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