YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
