True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.