dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
What's dad's email?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed