Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
