i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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