She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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