wakey wakey hands off snakey
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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