Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
