The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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