My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
