Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
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Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?