i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
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Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
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preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost