Just fell off a train. Bad.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
i don't wanna talk about it
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
the night was just a blur of sex and pie