Texts From Last Night

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  (360): View more from Washington

  I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock

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  (360): I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock http://tfl.nu/cdtd
  Replies (29) Good night (934) Bad night (1411)
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  (353): View more from

  When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head

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  (353): When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head http://tfl.nu/g0x9
  Replies (14) Good night (1815) Bad night (3273)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome

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  (414): i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome http://tfl.nu/01jd
  Replies (36) Good night (9887) Bad night (863)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Thanks for getting me home last night.

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.

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  (281): Thanks for getting me home last night. (832): No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa. http://tfl.nu/wftp
  Replies (29) Good night (9257) Bad night (1261)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it

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  (973): Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it http://tfl.nu/e8zq
  Replies (6) Good night (3682) Bad night (928)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.

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  (608): Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college. http://tfl.nu/sy1r
  Replies (19) Good night (4282) Bad night (1307)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.

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  (651): We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots. http://tfl.nu/8ot5
  Replies (3) Good night (2103) Bad night (1243)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club

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  (859): he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club http://tfl.nu/kd8o
  Replies (9) Good night (1301) Bad night (679)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.

  (213): View more from California

  I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.

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  (773): Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA. (213): I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars. http://tfl.nu/q1ju
  Replies (15) Good night (1936) Bad night (769)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad

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  (979): my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad http://tfl.nu/r26e
  Replies (10) Good night (601) Bad night (1619)
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  (310): View more from California

  I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.

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  (310): I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool. http://tfl.nu/mhjn
  Replies (3) Good night (1128) Bad night (561)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.

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  (770): Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all. http://tfl.nu/kjla
  Replies (0) Good night (350) Bad night (255)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos

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  (613): When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos http://tfl.nu/lfoe
  Replies (2) Good night (456) Bad night (300)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.

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  (716): Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk. http://tfl.nu/8ftw
  Replies (2) Good night (548) Bad night (220)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.

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  (502): I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it. http://tfl.nu/5ytq
  Replies (4) Good night (290) Bad night (466)

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