Texts From Last Night

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  (813): View more from Florida

  so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  well its been awhile since I've surfed

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  (813): so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol (1-813): well its been awhile since I've surfed http://tfl.nu/lkwy
  Replies (4) Good night (2049) Bad night (523)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis

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  (952): i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis http://tfl.nu/alsr
  Replies (18) Good night (3222) Bad night (921)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.

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  (630): you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car. http://tfl.nu/fzr7
  Replies (18) Good night (5705) Bad night (797)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  you left your dildo in my car

  (516): View more from New York

  rules of finders keepers apply

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  (516): you left your dildo in my car (516): rules of finders keepers apply http://tfl.nu/0377
  Replies (20) Good night (3646) Bad night (1380)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.

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  (315): So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs. http://tfl.nu/ibfv
  Replies (124) Good night (43310) Bad night (1542)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.

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  (804): she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob. http://tfl.nu/tpno
  Replies (41) Good night (4746) Bad night (3681)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  you should get a family discount.

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  (770): I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer. (404): you should get a family discount. http://tfl.nu/bl35
  Replies (33) Good night (10940) Bad night (1481)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"

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  (513): She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli" http://tfl.nu/zw4q
  Replies (22) Good night (1090) Bad night (4758)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you

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  (304): Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you http://tfl.nu/fgii
  Replies (20) Good night (2962) Bad night (1044)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week

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  (208): i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week http://tfl.nu/49ff
  Replies (1) Good night (1205) Bad night (400)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.

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  (704): She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast. http://tfl.nu/wpj9
  Replies (4) Good night (1739) Bad night (624)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.

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  (512): Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently. http://tfl.nu/nwru
  Replies (3) Good night (902) Bad night (680)
• Favorite

  (432): View more from Texas

  posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed

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  (432): posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed http://tfl.nu/3oaa
  Replies (3) Good night (397) Bad night (697)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.

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  (310): He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing. http://tfl.nu/4uvb
  Replies (1) Good night (787) Bad night (376)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.

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  (818): The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married. http://tfl.nu/19r4
  Replies (3) Good night (1187) Bad night (287)

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