Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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