If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
