Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
