didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
