as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
