So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
