great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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