Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
no you cant smoke seaweed
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
