I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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