You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
BRING THE BAGELS
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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