So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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