yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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