Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
