so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
