Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
