i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
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He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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