if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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