Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
