i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
