so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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