she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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