I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
