my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
