It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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