my vag is so smooth its legendary
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
