I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
