Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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