you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
