If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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